Monday, February 7, 2011

Case of the Mondays?

My Life sucks..... It's not cuz of my friends or most of my family..... Nothing seems to going right at all. And you know it's bad, when you look for to the littlest things like, buying a pack of cigarettes or a fucking bottle of Pepsi. Yeah, that's right, when I buy those things, I actually do feel a bit happier. I had such a good day yesterday, I got to see my friends, who I really don't see that often. But according to my dad, I see them all the time, I don't give fuck if he right or wrong about. What I can't take anymore, is being screamed at by my dad every time Wells Fargo and Sallie Mae send shit over. He has never taken my side of the fact it is simply hard for some people to get a regular as much as a job in your studies. It's fucking hard. And yeah, he says Dreamkind rejected not only because my work was too detailed but because I wasn't focused enough. But you know what FUCK HIM! He would yell at me almost every quarter about my grades, about money, about graduating on time. You know what paps, I GRADUATED and WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?! I don't care sick or not, man, I wanted you to see that moment in person not through a fucking TV screen. I'm so done with this life struggle. I never really told anyone this, but months after I graduated, mere thoughts of suicide have flown through my head. Yeah, I said it. That's how broken I feel inside every now and then. I thought I could be stronger, strong enough to get to the top but honestly, I don't know how strong I am or how much longer I can keep going... I'm just tired. So FUCK YOU student loans and FUCK YOU Universe.


  1. first of all
    take a breather once in a while,

    We all feel like that from time to time and with loans beating the shit out of us its hard to stay positive and keep trying our best,I couldn't tell you how many times I have fallen into a deep state of depression myself.

    yes Its going to be hard and its going to be stressful and there will be times when you just want to rip your hair out and give up on everything cuz nothing is working out.

    We have to remember that our families are only doing what they think is best, even if they come off as complete ass holes and douche bags who are only good at putting you down... again i know the feeling, i think when i stopped giving a fuck about what they said and ignored them completely by just saying YES OK YOU'RE RIGHT that's when I was able to focus on myself and on what I wanted and not what they were yelling at me about.

    show them you can do it your own way. but understand that they're only stressing out for the same reason as you cuz they want to see you succeed and being parents its easier to just yell and order their kids around instead of helping out, specially when they know nothing about the animation world.

    You can either let them get you down or you can say FUCK YOU GUYS and show them you're better than that. believe me if i HAD listened to all of the shit my parents said to me through out my life i would not be here today. its up to you to decide your life, they're always gonna have something to say but you don't always have to listen.

    And i can tell you first hand you got skills like no other!
    cuz if you didn't other wise id be like aw man know maybe you should quit :)

    just remember that you got this far and there's no point in throwing in the towel now when you can show the world something worth seeing.

    As for Sallie Mae.. well lets just say we all owe our souls to that she-devil
    but its not impossible to pay off those loans. even if you pay like $1 a month for the rest of eternity..
    Don't worry things will get easier
    go promote yourself as the amazing artist you are. you can find easy stuff online or by asking your friends and family if they need websites or prints..oh and make sure you make profiles on networking sites. They help!

    ... and I'll keep an eye out for you too :)

    ..I'll shut up now..take care g

  2. I know you're right, I can't help but get emotional whenever I have to deal with my dad. Deep down, I wanna believe that something good will come out of it, but I dunno, I'm just gonna continue doing what I do til that something happens. And you're right about creating accounts on networking sites, I actually thought about Twitter and maybe one of these days I'll do it too. I know ALL you guys got my back and I am very thankful. I just gotta get my head straight and clear again. Thanks for everything E-Unit, I definitely feel a lot better. <3

  3. i can completely relate to this. it's hard to stay positive when things seem so shitty. i, too, look forward to silly things like a bottle of pepsi. and i, too, have thought about suicide. yep, i said it. but the important thing is knowing that's not the answer. your father will probably never understand your struggles or what it's like to work in your field ( my parents are the same way ) but don't let him get you down. you have a great personality and someday you will find the perfect job - just not yet. you're fresh out of college. give it some time, you're talented and you'll be a great asset to a company some day.

  4. Awww Ivrie, thank you so much. That means a lot to me and I appreciate that! Much love <3