Thursday, February 2, 2012

A War Inside

Tonight has been nothing but a constant inner war. I shall explain...

A few days ago, a friend gave me a heads up that his job was hiring for a Flash animator. Of course, I went on it, sent my work and resume through my friend. And I even had an interview with them. It was very intimidating when I was there. I guess I was just overwhelmed.

Truth is, up until tonight, I have come to realization that I cannot work there. I mean, yes they had their perks and everything, but I just couldn't see myself happily working there. I know it's a job, it's a foot in the door, it'd look good on my resume but deep down I could already feel I would've been unhappy. Now, honestly, their style is part of the reason as well, and I know I'm in no position to be picky, but I'd rather be happy and passionate about what I'm working on. And a good friend of mine told me "You of all people! you told me last night just do something i love.. and you should do the same." And she's totally right.

I already know, people are gonna tell me how dumb I am for dropping this opportunity because it's clearly an opportunity, but I have things that are important for me to relearn in terms of programs and techniques. And it wasn't up until I had to work on an assignment for them where I had to design 3 stickers and to make a 10 sec. animation using their vector graphics. Now I'm sure that sounds easy to you, but for me, it wasn't. I was seriously struggling and I was so sure that even if I did work there and they allowed me some time to get comfortable with Illustrator, they probably would've let me go by then. I'm sure at least some of you would understand a little bit if you know and have seen my previous work.

And back to the whole "do what you love", I really really really.. really want to present at the First Friday event in Philly. I want to be able to put enough time into Blazer Show and Crunchy Cloud Studios as well building a new demo reel with new fresh material. It aches in my heart, that's how bad I want to do that. Of course, I will continue to job search, don't get me wrong. It's just this particular job wasn't for me.

It would be as if a vegan chef were to cook at a Wendy's. It wouldn't be or feel right.

I just wanna thank you guys for taking the time to read this. I really hope you guys aren't completely disappointed in me, that's the last thing I would wanna do.

Thanks again for reading. Peace.


  1. Dude don't feel bad about it, I've been in the same situation and I know what it feels when you've found something close but isn't quite right. You want to do what you love, but you don't want to settle just because you've been out in the cold for too long without an offer. Keep going with what feels right dawg!

  2. thanks bro, i appreciate that a lot

    1. first of all gee we could never be disappointed in you, you have the undeniable skill and passion needed in this field so don't you worry about that, you have what it takes to be a great animator for any studio or company.

      this field, as we are all beginning to see brings along random opportunities that may sound perfect and may pay better than part times but like you said if you don't feel it its the same as working any other unhappy job.

      you gotta remember tho that a lot of times you're gonna have to make small sacrifices in order to get to where you want, and im sure we have all heard this before, but as long as you're being ambitious and not turning down jobs because you're doubting yourself or scared im sure you will get far.

      And i know i told you this already but studio stuff and events that i plan are around everybody's schedules we can always plan more or move them around if need be so don't let them get in your way either. all i want is to see all of us in a happy working environment where we dont have to struggle as much to pay our next bills no matter where or with who it may be because i know we all deserve that.

      this might not have been the right job but maybe the next one will be the dream job so always keep an open mind..
      like i was told- life has all the doors we're looking for we just have to choose which ones to walk through.


  3. thanks for that comment E! i really appreciate it, i know the studio plans could always be revised and what not but, call it greedy, but i know i'd be happy if we were to pursue our set plans. i am aware that sacrifices will have to be made for the greater good in the future but.. this is what will make me happy, which is the point of all this, right? but yeah, again, i really appreciate the support.