Thursday, November 24, 2011
A Mere Destructive Thought
I'm not feeling like myself. And I can only really tell because my chest feels like it's caved in due to a mere thought that I had let wander through my mind. I sorta don't want to say what exactly, but what I can say as a hint, is that I do have my certain doubts on certain things. It doesn't have anything to do with my field of work, something more personal. It's just, growing up, I know things change. And that's cool and all, but if only it could be for the better or more convenient if that makes any sense. I just worry that when we move on, things could stay the way they are now or become less than what it is or what it use to be back then. Again, I know this probably doesn't make any sense or just sounds stupid, but I need to get this out somehow. It sucks when a stupid thought can do some much corrupting even if it's not true. I'm basically saying that my mind is easily corrupted, whether it's because I'm gullible, naive, easily influenced, or just plain stupid. And this feeling just makes me want to go MIA, just disappear for awhile whether it involves just getting extremely intoxicated or go on some sorta "spiritual" walk or something of that nature, anything. I wish I had enough motivation to actually "disappear" and straight up do work. I dunno, I guess in a way I'm sorta trying to tell myself that maybe I need to "upgrade". Just maybe.